FUCK ME IT'S JUNE

Ooooh weeeee ooooooh that's right.

How did that happen?

For PPQ:

The Last CD I Bought Was:
X&Y - Coldplay (Today, even though Gregson thefted me an illegal one)

Song Playing Right Now:
What If - Coldplay Live on Radio One (They have been great tonight)

Five Songs I Listen To A Lot, Or That Mean A Lot To Me:

To The End - Blur..

..is on, I'm seventeen, walking over the green to the pub in a purple coat, scared, insecure, excited, happy. Any song from Parklife takes me back there. And if I'm in a nostalgic mood I might come close to crying. And I don't know quite why. Why I'm so attached to the past, to being seventeen again, to being a clueless, unfashionable, ambitious, intense, shy, determined, principled, inexperienced, unhappy-happy idiot with it all in front of him.

Now it's..

Do You Remember The First Time by Pulp

It's 8 o fucking clock and this song is banging through my paper thin hall of residence wall. Not only is this annoying due to it being the third day running my neighbour (who I never spoke to during the entire year) has played this track at this time, it gives me a painful reminder that, err, I still haven't had a first time.

Yeah he's a paedophilic freak but I still have fabulous memories of singing along in a comically poor fashion to

Earth Song - Michael Jackson

in the snooker room at Hall. Students are cunts and I had first hand experience at this and of this. So lets skip the rest of that time including my year as a law student/alcoholic/waster and OMG..

Whole Again - Atomic Kitten

From the cringing in Hall bedroom to badly acted orgasms next door by the summer of this song which I think was 2002, no shit, 2001(! 4 fucking years ago) things had changed. The Summer of Love. Like waiting for a bus, I had at least 3 or 4 birds on the go and seemingly a Midas touch with the laydeez. And none of them looked like a bus. This is a Midas Touch that has been inverted for the rest of my days. Despite my boyish good looks, big hair, strange sense of humour and my arrogant modesty - my shy extrovertism - I am fucking rubbish at pulling. Chat a girl up? No chance. Get the digits and ring her the next day? You're having a laugh. Actively pursue meaningless, casual sex arrangements with work colleagues that never go anywhere except into a cul-de-sac of awkward conversations or a groundhog day of guilty drunken broken promises? Damn Straight. DS. This is my domain.

And now...

Someday - Embrace

I first heard this on (I think) 16 December 2003, live in a lovely shitty little venue in Leeds called the Cockpit. Sometimes when I hear it on record I can make it sound to me like it sounded that night. It was re-affirming, it gave me hope and though it was good at the time the events of the following eighteen months have given it an even greater significance. This was a band down and out and as soon as I heard this I knew everything would be alright.

I am going to listen to it now (and Fix You which just might be the beautifullest song ever) and reflect on what it means to be a not so clueless, less unfashionable, still ever so ambitious and intense, shy, determined, principled, inexperienced, unhappy-happy idiot with most of it in front of him wondering what comes next...

***
Been drinking far too much and neither of us mean what we say,
But you know that we've changed so much since then,
Aaaaaaaaah Aaaaaaaaah,
You can make me whole again,
Cos I light is gonna shine on you and I